Amen

Those who know me well know how hard it is for me sometimes just to get up and push forward, one day at a time. Some have been there for me through some really tough times... or just been there on a regular day to pull me up out of the darkness and get me into the sunshine so that I remember there are moments of happiness out there. Oddly enough my inspiration found recently comes from an unexpected source who will never know me... Kid Rock.

I know, that seems ridiculous, but my Kid Rock CDs are one of my secret guilty pleasures. Some of his music is obviously quite disgusting and vulgar and I try to skip that, but he has some songs that are simply beautiful too. I bought his newest CD a while back because I heard him on Ellen singing the song "Amen." I thought the song was great so I went straight to half.com and ordered the disc. I've listened to the CD many times since I bought it, but recently part of that song has really stood out to me, and I have found myself rewinding over and over again in the car to keep hearing a select few lines....

Somewhere you got a brother, sister, friend, grandmother, niece or nephew
Just dying to be with you
You know there's someone out there who unconditionally, religiously
Loves you
So just hold on 'cause you know it's true

Those words make me think. About my five nieces, about my sister, my mom, my grandmother who keeps trying to get me to come for lunch... The people who don't give up on me even when I give up on myself. Those are people who need me... who love me. Not because I have done amazing things with my life, or because I am the life of the party, I'm so cute, so smart, so funny, or I aways know the right thing to say to fix eveything. I wish those things were true of me but they are not. I may find it hard to love myself most days but there are people who love me anyway... just because.

It feels vain to think that I could mean so much to any other person... but it isn't. It's the truth. I need to learn to believe that as much as they mean to me, I mean that much to them too. I don't know why that has always been so hard for me.

Anyway, I hope you all realize not only how much other people mean to you, but how much you mean to them. Don't hurt them by assuming they don't care and not being there when they need you.

Easy to write it, harder to live it... but I am gonna try.